When I got back to New Brunswick from Pennsylvania the first question asked me by my friends was : "How was your weekend?"
My answer was "Cathartic." They all responded with an "Awesome!"
But in my mind it wasn't just the weekend. I was still going through what the ancient Greeks, where we got the term catharsis, as cleansing or purging. It began as a medical term but was over time used to describe an emotional balancing.
One way the Athenians went about this was through theater festivals. During the day they would watch two tragedies and then a comedy. Now when I say tragedy, I'm talking about stuff like a guy who, kills his real father without knowing it's his father, marrying his mother who is the queen of the city and having daughters from there marriage.
It's the kind of stuff Jerry Springer could only dream of!
Then a comedy afterward with satyrs parading around with huge penis'.
So from tears to laughter came a balancing. At least that was what they were shooting for. So when I told my friends that my weekend was cathartic,
I meant that it was cleansing, balancing,
a purification of my soul.
Friday - Got a lift to Philly PA from a loud and cacophonous band named Bone Dust. Made up of three women they were playing a venue in New Brunswick. After helping em load up I made mention to some of the folks there how I was planning to head to Philly Pa Friday. One of the Bone Dust women said they could give me a lift. Great news. They drop me off at a Philly venue named Disgrace Land and I started the long walk to my friends place. This was not a problem since Philadelphia is what they call a Walking City. For me that means you don't have to go far before you find a place to eat! "Hey, here's a diner. And there's a corner mom and pop store. And my gracious, it's Pats CHEESE STEAKS!!!!" I arrive at my friends and great friends I'd not seen in years who had come to reconnect, update each other face to face, and attend the East Coast OI! Fest in Allentown PA.
Saturday - Saturday morning I got up before my friends and got caffeinated, took a shower, then started to shave. When I get moody I grow hair. Over the last six months I had grown a beard. Taking it off and sharpening up the chops I thought of the inspiration for my finally cleaning myself up. But first a shot detour back to ancient Greece.
This time we'll visit Sparta.
I'm providing this info so you have an idea of my perspective on what a friend of mind said to me.
The ancient Greek City State of Sparta was in a region named Laconia.
From this we get the word Laconic, or laconic humor. These are short, to the point, statements that would cut down a man verbally. This is Way different to what I hear on TV or radio. Just a lot of shouting and cleaver verbal tricks masked as questions to shut someone up or to dishonor them.
But the real Laconic phrase shows how cleaver and insightful someone can be even if they seem like idiots to you. At least till they open there mouths.
So anyway. I had grown a big beard with no mustache. Hey, I thought I looked like a Spartan warrior but the local skins would say things like, Pedro, you look like a terrorists. "When ya gonna shave that off." or "Pedro, when ya gonna shave that shit off?"
or "Pedro, Save that shit off!"
Then one day a friend known as Eddie Shots comes along.
He sees me with the beard and drops just five words on me.
"You Look like Amish Bin-Laden."
I saw the smile on my face in the bathroom mirror as I thought of it.
I was sure he would approve my return to facial stability.
After getting dressed, came breakfast. My phone rings with the happy tone I chose for my text messages. It was from a NY Skin coming to the East Coast Oi Fest as well.
"Hey I am Sorry can't talk right now but I am a mess
but I needed to tell you
they found Eddie Shots dead in his apt last night
oh Pedro i am sorry"
Some may think a text message of this weight was crass at best. But Rich knew me enough to know that my finding out about this after walking into the venue in Allentown would have been the worst way.
I stepped outside in my friends garden. Sitting in the sun on beautiful spring day, I thought to myself, "And the world keeps on turning." It all seemed the same but it wasn't.
By sending that message I got to live with the new reality of my life
for several hours before walking into The Crocodile Rock.
I arrive at the venue after 5 pm I think. I went through the ritual of showing my ID and getting the pat down for weapons.
The place was packed and was divided over whether to look for Rich or get a beer. I decided I needed a beer or seven. After ordering I was presented with a bottle of Yuengling. This I thought strange. There were no bottles last year or the year before that.
But today I was patted down for weapons and then
given a glass hand grenade. Not just any glass hand grenade.
A glass hand grenade filled with delicious beer.
I stopped giving it any more thought when Storm Watch took to the stage.
Jeff the lead singer said that he had an intro prepared but he scrapped it. He told the crowd that a friend Eddie Shots had died and that everything he says and every song they sing is for Eddie. They went into the set and were great.
Afterward Jeff with a smile on his face asked me,
"Did I look possessed?" (as I had described him in my zine a while back.)
I said "Yea " and we touched fists.
Later I was told they didn't play stay in the closet because they didn't know if I was coming or not.
I responded with, "It's OK. I lost the 'So many men, so little time.' T-shirt and left the 'I'm not gay, I just have sex with men' one back in Jersey."
Me and Rich found each other. With a sullen look on his face he walks up to me and we wrap our arms around each other. It was the first of many long hugs for the next few long days.
I thanked Rich for sending the text. He said he knew that I had to be told as soon as possible.
Later I ran into my buddy Chris. Another friend for whom I had allowed to much time to pass with out hanging out. He was his standard drunk happy self.
He told me there were a few fights before my arrival. That was another difference from last year. The mood was chill and every skin I knew had only a thumbs up for it all. This year there was a different vibe. Chris related to me his trying to keep a bonehead from getting into a fight with a trad. One of his arguments consisted of "Dude! You spent 35 bux to come here. Have a good time!"
Chris and I caught up on things but I think he could tell something was up.
At one point he took a break from jumping up and down drunkenly to grab my write and raise it up and down. As he instructed me on pounding the air to the music he said,
"You only have one chance to be happy in life!"
One of the bands a lot of skins had traveled far to see was Ox Blood.
Before they walked out on stage the New York skinhead contingent started clapping and chanting "NYC, NYC, NYC." For some reason a smile came on my face. I guess because some sense of normality had asserted itself. There was sadness but there were good times ahead.
I ran into the singer of Ox Blood before hand and we joked about how long we've been in the scene.
"Maybe too long?" I said.
He said "Na. You can never rock too long!"
They were in great form. Unfortunately a group of Nazis started zieg hieling about 2/3rds of the way through the set.
Now for some reason NY Skinheads have no sense of humor about this.
What with living in the U.S.A. because they actually want to live hear and that half a century ago this country tried to bomb these moral idiots into the stone age.
To them Zieg Hieling is not exactly American. Go figure!
After the set this one skin roar out "Real Skins!" several times.
I could hear the fuse the Neo Nazies lit hissing away.
As we waited for the 4 Skins to come on a fight broke out. I didn't care much since these things don't usually last long. But after about 40 seconds I could see it spiral out of control. The Nazis were out numbered about 20 or 30 to one.
But for some reason these proud Aryan warriors grabbed a garbage can full of empty beer bottles and started throwing them at the trads. Why? Because apparently they subscribe to the philosophy that noble combat is arrived at by having your opponent as far away as possible!!!
After shaking my head and wondering what to do I saw a young lady more or less in the line of fire. A bottle either hit her of crashed nearby but she did not move. I stepped up the few feet between us and guided her to a safer spot. Then a bottle crashed on a pillar near me. The blood rushed to my head, my fists clenched and I realized I was Not in the mood for This BULL SHIT !
I had just found out a man I loved was dead and I was SO NOT in the mood for This BULL SHIT. Seeing one of the boneheads who was wearing a blue jacket get separated from the pack I found myself thinking how I haul ass across the no mans land of broken glass. Yea, there would be bottles thrown but no more then three would connect. Slamming into the Smerf skin I might be able to pop him in the face a few time. Then I realized I had no back up. Seeing how these skins I didn't know were occupied I suddenly realized something. "Pedro! You are going to be 49 years old next week! And you are Not getting paid for this! Where's the security?" At that point I hear the organizer of the event Craig Downtown over the PA saying, "Where the fuck is the security? What am I paying you guys for?"
My smile came back.
About 47 seconds later a brave sould with a plastic face shield runs up to and climbs over the barrier and jumps my blue jacketed post pubescent brat.
Anyway And I'll tell ya, he was as slippery as a greased up deaf guy!
He squirmed until he got loose and scurried away.
My mobile rang. My friend who drove me down asked if I was OK. "Calmly I said, "Yea I'm OK. Every things cool."
He told me that about 30 cop cars had arrived with the state police.
I said I'd explain when I saw him outside.
One of the guys who worked at the venue told me and my friend that The Four Skins would be performing tomorrow. He had an apologetic expression on his face whilt saying it.
Then he shook my hand. No seriously. He shook my hand.
I collected my friends and told them the 4 Skins would perform Sunday.
As we walked to the van behind me I listened in on the discourse over the events of the evening. I turned to them and said, "Yea, it's fucked up but for me, it was a complete day."
Sunday - No glass bottles.
And as it turned out, no static that I could see.
Eddies Band The Band of Felons, performed with out him. They felt he would have wanted this to go over well. It was all very emotional for all of us.
I just felt glad to be there.
I had gotten a call earlier in the week from a friend who had moved to Allentown.
He wanted to get together to hang out and get caught up.
I ducked into the men's room and told him I'd be out after the 4 Skins set.
So the 4 Skins come out to a cheering crowd.
The singer said how he had heared about Eddie dying. He had never met Eddie but from what he heard he seemed like a great guy. They dedicated a song to him. When they got to ACAB it was explained that the song was written about British cops. He had met the Allentown cops and found them to be good folks. So then they swung into the song with the Allentown police smiling as the crowd sang,
"A.C.A.B,
A.C.A.B,
A.C.A.B,
ALL COPS ARE BASTARDS!"
Before leaving A mutual friend of Eddies with tears in her eyes said to me,
"Would you do something for Eddie?"
I didn't understand. She repeated the request. Then said that the wake was on Tuesday and the funeral was on Wednesday. She wanted me to be present, for Eddie. I have had friends die before but as much as I cared about them there funerals were a thing I avoided. I won't go into details right now. But I realize now that my motives were selfish. I said that I would be there. She said I'd be kept informed.
After the 4 Skins set I said my good byes and stepped outside. There were several Skins talking to some folks on the roof of the Crocodile Rock asking for them to look for a friend. The description?
"He has a shaved head, a flight and side burns."
I said loud enough for all to hear, "Yea, that narrows it down!"
Waiting on the corner across the street from me were two Allentown Cops, a man and a women. They were all smiles and chatted with a few of the various punks and skins who went by. While saying good bye to yet another skin I'd not seen in years I hear the female cop call my name.
She pointed to my friend who had pulled himself out of the driver side window to get my attention. I didn't hear him so the police women volunteered to get my attention.
"I'm just louder then he is."
As I passed them and approached my friends car I looked back at the two cops and said,
"What a difference a day makes!"
The cops and I laughed. No one else present got the joke.
Monday - Barbecue with Chris, and two other Philadelphia skins Spit, and Ian. I related the scene at the show and the riot which it seemed to me had already been blown Way our of proportion.
The only thing I worried about was that the Nazis having lost the battle on Saturday may win the war by having next years OI! Fest canceled.
Tuesday - I rolled in from Philly just in time to walk to the WRSU radio station to do my show there. I talked about my week so far and played a Lot of music. Talking was tough for the first hour until I played a Wretched Ones song from there new CD "Make It Happen." The song was The Rockers: The Rockers Will Always Stick Together." Ah, Wretched Ones. They never fail to make me feel better.
Between sets songs I posted a message for a ride with the added request that I be able to change out of my grimy sweaty cut-offs.
I got a call as I walked to the New Brunswick train station.
To get to Perth Amboy I needed to switch trains at Rahway.
The sky had gotten dark with storm clouds.
I wasn't in a social mood so I took my chances with the weather
on the exposed platform while my fellow commuters huddled under the roofs near the waiting room for the train and the predicted rain.
Standing as alone as I could manage I looked up at a sky that reflected my mood at the moment. Walking slowly in a circle I spotted what seemed like a small area of blue sky through the clouds. Of course it was probably many miles across when compared to the vast urban-camo gray sky.
Being higher then it was wide the gap in the clouds seemed more like a doorway.
I just stood and stared up at that view of the wild blue. Then
two dark clouds moved slowly towards each other from either side of it like two sliding doors closing. Just before they came together hiding the wide open space behind them I said quietly "Goodbye Eddie. Goodbye."
When my opportunity came to stand by the coffin I lost it.
This wasn't something I was going to wake up from.
What was in that box looked like Eddie but it wasn't.
He was really gone.
Stepping outside through back exit there was music from a car and a small aquarium sized bottle of Jack Danial's that was being passed around by The Quad Father.
I thought I'd cried myself out but every once in a while the liquid macho would welling up in my eyes. (Yes! I call it Liquid Macho)
In the Bible it's written, "blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted. I get it now.
Wednesday - I got a text from a friend in New Brunswick named Dominic.
Over a week ago we planned on hanging out on Wednesday.
I sent a text saying "Duty calls till about 11sh."
The funeral was solemn and familiar. Being raised Catholic I knew the rituals but for me it seemed empty. This was more for the family so I contributed as a gesture of respect. It was when the Bag Pipes began to play that I lost it again.
Such an ancient sound. No explanation other then that.
We followed the procession to cemetery, and with the conclusion of it all
it felt like there was still something to be done.
Thursday - I never have made plans for my birthday.
People are either at a show, a barbecue or moving. They either forget and are apologetic, or they didn't know so they give me a "Happy Birth Day! Ya fucker! Why didn't ya tell me?" That was the response from Rich who called my on Friday the 30th. I explained that the last time I saw him was at the funeral . And we all had other things on our minds.
But as it turned out it was the best birthday of my life.
I don't recall feeling more grateful. Hugging my friends
I'd just hold on to them longer then usual trying not to choke up as I said,
"I'm glad to see you."
Lessons
In life the good and the bad times can be seen as lessons. I have had troubles learning from both over the years.
One thing I have noticed is that if ya don't get the lesson the first time it seems to be re-taught only in a more blatant way. I decided to make a list of what lessons may be taken from this week.
Some things can't wait. Rich was feeling nearly overwhelmed hearing about Eddie but he took the time to make sure I knew.
There are some things that can wait of course. For example, telling you're parents you are Gay should not be done while they are driving down the NJ turnpike.
You have one chance in life to be happy. And that chance is offered every morning when you wake up.
Even if you can't manage to be happy for a minuet there's another chance the next day.
Which brings me to,
You can never know what tomorrow brings.
And finally
Hold on to each other as long as you can.
And that's been my week.
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